On a monthly basis, someone asks me 'how did you find your coach?' and every time a sinking feeling washes over me. I want to be able to give them some solid guidance on where and how to find a coach that they can trust. Someone that makes you feel confident that the exercises they'll give you will create positive and lasting change in their life, just like the one I have.
But the reality is, I didn't find my coach, he found me. And I know there are others who have had the same experience and it's almost impossible to replicate.
So, I was thinking about it... You can have mine....
Don't worry, I'm definitely not giving him up but I am willing to share the best kept secret in my life - my coach.
Everyone has a different idea of what having a coach means and there are many types of coaches. Some perceive it similar to a mentor for your career, helping you learn through their experiences and others think it's like a therapist, who is there to help you work through your challenges and mistakes of the past. The actual definition of a coach is more along the lines of being non-directive, where they empower you to identify all aspects of yourself to unlock your fullest potential.
My coaching relationship started over seven years ago, when a leadership coach, brought in at a previous company to upskill senior management, opened my mind to so many areas from controlling your inner voice, how to deal with difficult stakeholders and the importance of leading by example. From that course we 'clicked' and now he has evolved into my life coach. Now before you stop reading, thinking I'm some sort of hippie for having a life coach... Hear me out...
The world of business, careers, home life, flexi working and being your 'authentic' self in everything you do, is becoming more and more blended than any other time in recent history. Our careers are more and more 'squiggly' (www.AmazingIf.com), our responsibilities (especially as a son, manager, modern husband, employee, supportive friend, colleague, mentor and young father) are more varied than the generations before us.
Whenever I'd be in a coaching conversation, the things that were going on at home would be impacting my work and my work priorities would make juggling home life challenging. Over time it was only natural that to help me reach my full potential, my coach would need to look at all the connected elements of my life and how they balance (or in my case - how they don't).
So, what characteristics does my coach have that I think you'd benefit from:
Building a human connection... We are nearly 30 years apart in age, we live very different lives, yet we are friends. We connected on a human level with mutual respect, genuine care for each other's well-being and well-wishers of each other’s ambitions. I didn't realise how important this was until I had a disheartening experience with a couple of business coaches where the whole thing felt very 'transactional'. I know there will be those that say you shouldn't have that kind of relationship with your coach and I challenge you on that, only because I'm so much richer for having that extra layer of consideration.
My coach has been through some stuff...I love a story and boy-oh-boy has he got some, from being in the army, to being a minister, to being a father, grandfather, coaching some of the biggest CEOs in tech, there's not a scenario that I come across that he can't support me on. Through things that were my biggest accomplishments to some horrifying tragedies in my life, he's able to relate, guide and share his lived experiences with me. Having a coach that can relate to you is incredibly powerful and it's not something that someone learns, it's something that you align on and connect with.
Trusting their process...The great thing about having someone who cares about you is that when they ask you to undertake exercises that makes you look deep within your soul, questions your very identity or takes you into unknown territories, you have complete confidence that it's for your benefit. My coach pushes me from the deep things about my purpose, values, identity, leadership qualities to the very small stuff, the words I say, the 'ums' in my sentences, my eye contact and much more.
We're refining and improving the big and the small, all towards a version of me that is the most considered and refined that it can be.
And why does that matter?
For me it's because I want to really inspire, motivate and support others. I've realised over time I have the ability to do that and therefore I know I can only really do that when I have balance in my own life and I'm in that state of 'flow'.
Let me give you a practical example of when my coach stepped in. We were broken into recently and it felt like a huge violation of our lives. I kicked into the 'fixer' mode of sorting out the broken door, insurance, upgrading security systems, trying to restore the positive, happy environment in our house. A week after it had happened, on the way back home from dropping my youngest son off to nursery, I felt this wave of emotion come over me. I hadn't processed the incident on an emotional level.
I normally would call one of my close friends and they would re-assure me, they would tell me the practical things to consider and work through. Instead I called my coach. He empathised, shared his own experiences, referenced the emotions I was going through, then offered me a lesson. To embrace the emotional side, find a pocket in my day to be angry, to not be 'ok' but do it alone, in my own time. That 15 min chat changed my day. I went home, calm, understanding of what was happening and would happen to me emotionally and I was able to dial in to a meeting and turn up for my team. He's not my therapist, he's not just my career coach, he sees how one side is connected to the other and together we navigate whatever challenges come by.
Being championed...My coach makes me believe that I can do things beyond my own belief.... Not in a toxic positivity kind of way, in a way that says, look at what you have, look at what you can do and imagine what that could look like if you focused. My wife knows when I've come of a call with my coach, I'm alive, buzzing, creating, inspiring, dancing. My coach doesn't just teach me or gives me guidance, he gives me energy. From resetting my mind daily through my affirmations or by just reminding me of what to be grateful for and the things that make me so tremendously unique. If you're not getting that from your coach then please have a hard think about your relationship. Every interaction with my coach makes me feel like I've grown and I'm boosted.
So why this and why this now?
Well, I see all the posts, podcasts, blogs, videos about 'finding a coach for you' and I realised I was being selfish. If feel like I have a duty to share my experience with you and if you find yourself in a place where you're exploring/asking questions then this could be the moment a bit of coaching could truly transform your life in the way it has mine.
Oh yea nearly forgot his name is Mike Coote, or Mike 'Awesome' Coote as he still is in my phone. Happy to connect my connections, happy for you to go direct, but whatever you do, if you're in the slightest bit curious, reach out and take the first step into what could be an instrumental chapter in your life...I'm living proof of that and I'll happily chew your ear of telling you all my magical moments.